


Zutto Issho Ni

by oceanshavenomemory



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst and Drama, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Past Character Death, Sad Ending, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29968068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanshavenomemory/pseuds/oceanshavenomemory
Summary: “Are you willing to die for me, then?”
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin & Tachibana Makoto, Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka
Kudos: 4





	Zutto Issho Ni

_“Are you willing to die for me, then?”_

Rin opened his crimson eyes, all in sweat and tears. He felt like his heart was about to skip a beat. Nightmares haunted him everyday since he found his lover hanging from the ceiling. The emptiness in his heart and his bed was too much for him, it felt cold without Haruka. He curled up in the bed as moon was lightening room. It felt nostalgic, sitting on his lover's lap as moonlight hit their room and they used to talk about in future, about his songs and how much they loved each other. It hurt, it was unbearable, it was pure pain. Wherever he went, he saw his face. Ironic how he always felt that he was not lonely, that Haruka was always with him but at the same time he felt so fucking lonely because of his lover's absence. Life turned into a nightmare itself, memories haunted him and everything felt wrong. Whenever he looked at the ocean, he dreamt of drowning in the depths of it. There were no more of those cheerful and sunny days. He cried, cried loud but it didn't stop the pain that he felt. He heard the door crack, it opened slowly. It was Makoto, mutual friend of him and Haruka. He seemed worried as hell, a readable fear was in his eyes.

"R-Rin, are you... Okay?"

Even though tears fell from his reddened cheeks, Rin's lips curled, a small and fake smile.

"Come here." Makoto opened his arms, maroon haired boy got up as he wiped his tears. Slowly he walked towards his friend and closed his eyes as he threw himself in taller boy's arms. He cried louder than ever, it felt like he was emptying his heart, like he let all the pain out. His friend, though, just held him tightly against his own chest. Oh, it felt safe. Not as safe as Haruka's arms though, but it was enough make him feel better. It was just enough.

"N-nothing feels right without him, he took a part of me as he left. Now it feels so empty, I don't have any reason to stay, I have to be with him, I want to hold him and kiss him, I miss the days when he put his head on my legs and slept, I used to tell him stories or read him books. I would show him all of me, I would give him all of me, and I'd do it willingly. I just want him back. The pain is too much, I'm afraid I will give up, I can't deal with it anymore!"

The only reply was a kiss on his forehead, then his hair was pulled out of his face by his friend. He pulled himself back from those warm arms.

"Rin, one day you will be with him. He will give you flowers, the best ones of heaven. But now you have to carry on, you have to be strong. Haru would want you to be, he would tell you to carry on, let him go if he had a chance to talk to you."

Rin nodded, he would never dare to kill himself. Not because he was afraid but because he didn't want Gou, his mother, Makoto or Sousuke to feel what he felt. Losing a loved one was just having the biggest hole in the heart. It's too much pain, unbearable, haunting but no matter what happened, he wouldn't give up.

"I'll be fine, it's just... too much... It will always be too much. I just need time to get used to this emptiness. I need to learn how to carry a heart which is full of pain. But I'll stay strong, I promise."

Makoto smiled and caressed the reddened cheek of Rin.

"Want me to sleep next to you?"

Rin only nodded in response, then they lay down on the bed.

_“No matter where I go, you're there. You're always in my head. You're in everything I see. No matter where I go, I can still see you there, can still smell your scent. I can't forgive you, I can't forgive myself but I want to. I miss you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> It's 2 AM and I was just listening to Fuyu no Hanashi (and probably crying, too.) Then I wanted to write something. It's what I thought at first and my otp + my favourite anime would make me cry more. I kinda wish someone with better writing skills wrote it but whatever.


End file.
